07 Apr Week 1 – post surgery
It’s been a week since my back surgery and I am going crazy! I tend to be a pretty active person, and this whole thing with no bending, twisting, lifting, no sitting in a car for more than 30 minutes, coupled with this back brace is the turning out to be more of a pain then the sciatic nerve! Of course, when I contemplate the alternative, which is not following the doctors orders and engaging in physical activity that will actually hurt me and delay any recovery by months, and could even result in a permanent disability, I guess Netflix and chilling for 3 – 4 weeks isn’t that bad.
Being happy with how my body is an ongoing struggle. First of all, it’s always changing so it’s not like I can just be happy with this body right now, I have to agree to accept it in all it’s forms. Even as a runner, I am not a ‘traditional runner’ in that I am not all long and sinewy. I jiggle when I run, and I cannot run very fast for very long. Even my best half marathon time is 2:30; basically a 5 mph pace. But I force my body to do it anyway (and look where that got me – haha). Even with yoga, I am not all that flexible and graceful, but I am more flexible and graceful than I was when I first started practicing, but again, my body has a little more ‘weight’ to it than those small, thin, hyper-flexible girls you see in all the Wonderlust videos!
But that’s all okay. As long as I keep putting the effort into my pursuits, and accepting my limitations, while still pushing the edge, it’s all okay! I may never run a sub 2:00 half marathon (hell, i may never run another half marathon), and king pigeon pose may be stretching my illiotibal band to it’s outer most limit (that’s why i will forever be grateful for modifications in yoga), it’s all okay. I have I have found yoga, in it’s meditative form as well as active form, helps a lot with recognizing and learning to appreciate my body and all it allows me to do. While I have really missed running in this period of down time, yoga is what I miss the most. Luckily, my meditation practice is still available to me! (if you are looking to start a practice, I recommend the app buddhify )
A few years ago I embarked on a personal mission to try not to focus on my weight, instead focus on being healthy and happy, no matter what the scale or my pant size says. There are limits, like I know I feel happiest when I have fewer rolls in my middle and when I can wear anything that is currently in my closet without a muffin top falling over; that happens mostly when the number on the scale is between 160 and 165. I have come to realize that when my healthy diet habits are derailed, that number starts to creep up towards 170 and I start to feel heavier. Now i have come to use the number on the scale as a guideline; as it creeps up, I start to buckle down. This injury has taught me that when I am active, there is less creeping up and I have more leeway with my nutrition.
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